We talked in class last week about how important revisions are. I wanted to show you a poem entitled "My Papa's Waltz." First read over the poem.
The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I hung on like death:
Such waltzing was not easy.
We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.
The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step you missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.
You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.
Now that you have finished reading the final draft of tghe poem. I'd like you to click on the link to look at the orginal drafts.
http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/Virtualit/poetry/cultural_docs/roethke_draft.html
You can look at both drafts. Notice some of the changes that he made. How much thought do you think went into each draft? In the comment section, put your thoughts.
I've looked at the first 17 comments. Make sure you look at the fact that he/she was changed. Minor changes?
How much does the “Hope of The World” weigh?
2 years ago
65 comments:
Each draft was only changed with small details which would make me think that the author had put in a lot of time and effort into each word that he revised
The two poems had minor difference into each other. I think the author some thought into the first one, to get the basic thing down. But when he went over it he really checked to see if he replaced stuff and made those changes if it would be a better poem.
Every draft seemed to be read over multiple times and continually thought over. Just from reading the first part I think he would read over it a good three plus times before he would make a correction which made it a better poem
Each poem was very similar. He obviously checked over and read the poem multiple times until it was perfect. Only a few small details were changed in each poem, but you can tell he put alot of thinking into it.
Each draft seemed to have been clearly thought out. They are very similar, but you can tell the author put a lot of effort into the second one in order to perfect it.
I think he spent a lot of time on both drafts and was very careful about choosing the right words.
All of his drafts looked very similar with the exception of a few minor differences. I can tell the author spent a lot of time working on his drafts.
Emily Holifield
Each poem was very similiar in context but still contained changes on both drafts. It was apparant the author read over each draft several times and made corrections by crossing out what he didn't like and putting in what sounded better. Even though he may have only changed a few minor things, each of those small things were carefully thought out so that the final draft would read to what he thought was best.
A lot of thought was put into both drafts. They were very similar to each other but very different at the same time. You could tell that the author re-read each draft over and over to make sure everything was right. Lots of editing was done along with a lot of thought.
Each poem was similar. It is obvious that the author read over the poem in order to make sure the meaning he was trying to convey was obvious. The author would not just write the paper, he 'cared' about it enough to edit it and make the paper its best
Chelsea Byrnes
The poems were very similar and only had a few small differences. I think the author reread the poems over and over again to make sure they were as perfect as he could make them. I feel like the author put a lot of time and thought into the poems.
The drafts of the poem had a few changes here and there so I think that the author tried to get them exactly how he wanted them to get something a meaning or something across.
erin creelman
The poems were very simililar to eachother, however you could tell that there were some minor changes. It seemed like the author thought alot about what he wanted to change, and how he wanted the poem to appear to the readers. The author seemed to put much effort and time into the changes that they made.
You could tell that there were changes made in the poems. it's obvious that the author had spent time revising and editing to make it the best they could.
Both of the poems were very similar to one another. I think the first draft was just a rough draft and his second draft was him editing over the first one. He made sure that him final draft was edited and perfect so make it the best it can be.
his* final draft
The drafts were very similar with a few differences. But you can tell he went back and redid parts or took parts out to get it perfect and exactly how he wanted it.
It looked like there were only minor changes made to each of the drafts. You said in class that a good revision took as much time as it took to write and this does not appear to follow that rule. The first revision didn’t appear to be as through as the second one because the first one seemed to be just minor details but the second one had more small details that were changed (even though they were small they were still important). But overall I don’t think this revision took very long nor had a tremendous amount of thought put into it.
I noticed that the writer switched his original wording form saying it was a girl to a guy. This could show that the author thought it was better perceived if the character was a guy instead of a girl. This is a minor change but in all actuality at was a major change to the construction and point of the poem.
All of the poems were very similar. You can tell that the author analyzed his poem a lot to make sure that every word was just right. The changes he made were mostly small ones, but that have a major affect on how the poem is perceived. I think he spent the most time on his second and third drafts.
Each draft had minor changes that, were or weren’t noticeable. The 1st draft was closer to the finial draft, than the second one. Some of the changes were the title, small words that he jumbled around till it made sense. And he changed some sentences and then back again. You can tell that he took time to really perfect the poem.
Little things were changed in the drafts. brother's contenance went to mothers and the girl/boy words were changed to be amsculine. The first draft was to get his thoughts out and the second seemed more organized and put together.
This is Drew Sorensen. The final draft of MY PAPA's WALTZ had many changes to it from the first draft. I belive the auther made these changes to make the story more apropriet for childeren. some of the context in the original verion was reletively inapropriet for suggesting the drunk abuseive father hurting his child. Althoug the changes were made, the auther should of revised his final draft before he published the poem.
The majority of the changes made to the original draft were focused towards the details of the poem. Most of the thought process occured when making the original draft because the author had to make the poem make sense.
After reading all the drafts, i think that the poet is trying to get across a very precise story and he wanted it to be worded perfectly. Few words were changed but the ones that were seemed to be changed because they would give the poem more meaning.
Both drafts contained the same overall idea, though the final draft was at its best. It is obvious that the author took time to read over the poem and change things to help improve the meaning he was trying to show.
The author tries different details in the poem to make it sound right. That shows that the author put a lot of time into the poem to make it how he wanted it to be.
Both of the poems had some differences. But I believe the author took his time looking over and revising it.
Both of the poems seemed fairly thought out. There were a few small details that were different between the two poems. You can tell that he obviously double checked his work, and edited it in order to have th best final copy possible.
Both poems were similar just like every single person has said but i again agree with everyone that he wanted the poem to be perfect so he took the time to make sure it was perfect and get the message across.
The author obviously took a lot of time to edit his poems and was willing to make large changes to make it right. The poet was very dedicated to making his writing perfect. He also made very minor adjustments to add to the overall feel of the poem.
each draft was pretty similiar and had small differences. it seemed like the author took a lot of time to try to make the poem perfect. the words were carefully thought out.
Each draft of the poem was similar. There was a minor number of changes made, but the changes that were made seemed to be necessary to the meaning of the poem. Thus the changing of the words slightly altered the meaning of the poem making it a somewhat major change.
The drafts were pretty similar with only small changes made, but the samll changes had an effect on how the poem was percieved. I think this shows that the author really wanted to make to perfect.
Both poems didn't change to much. I believe the author took a lot of time and fixed what he was writing.
I agree with what everyone else said about there being only a few minor revisions since the original draft, but I do think a lot of thought was put into the finishing touches. The fact that only a few things were changed means that he had already put a lot of thought into the original and he wanted every single word to be perfect, so it may have taken some time and consideration until the author became completely satisfied with his finished work.
The two poems did not have very many changes. Just a few small improvises that made the final draft flow more.
The two poems weren't too different. I do however think that the author put quite a bit of time into writing the poem. I know If I was writing a serious piece of writing that I would take a long time to put all of my thoughts down in the best way that I could possibly do.
The two poems weren't too different, since there were only a few small revisions. I do however think that the author put quite a bit of time into writing the poem. I know If I was writing a serious piece of writing that I would take a long time to put all of my thoughts down in the best way that I possibly could.
Gregory Stephen
The author seems to have put gosiderable time and thought into the poem. Between the drafts, he switched line two from girl to boy and back several times. Other changes were made in specific words that implies much thought being put into every word of the poem.
The two poems were very similar to one another. The second poem had some minor changes done to it making it better. The wording was a little different, obviously edited, made it sound much better.
The two poems were very similar. The draft had beed revised, showing that the author took alot of time to re-read the poem and make it perfect.
It looked as if the author read over each draft many times. They made a few changes to each one to try and make it sound the best it could. The changes the author had made, changed the flow of the story.
Garrett Liggett
The only major change was changing the character from a girl to a guy. If you read through the scribbles, the other changes were about the same as the author had them before. So all in all, the author did not change the powm that much form the first draft to the final draft. I honestly can not tell how much time he spent, but it looks to me as if he chose his words carefully.
Only a few minor details were changed between each revision. I could tell each word was thought about over and over again until he chose what he thought was the perfect word. He changed from boy to girl then back to boy which shows me he spent a lot of time thinking and rethinking it.
This Craig Leugers and I think that the first draft was the one where there was a little more editing done on the second rough draft but each one did not look like it took so much time to change the mistakes. Although that could just be because the poem was small. I've noticed that in each poem that the third to last line was different on each draft.
Both of the drafts are very much alike. He made a few changes with the wording of the poem. It seems like he was trying to find the perfect words to use. I noticed that he changed girl to boy. Other than that, there are only a few other minor changes.
There were a few differences. You could tell the author wanted it to be perfect so the reader could understand what was being said. It looked like the author put a lot of time and effort into the poem.
Between the two poems there were few changes in the words used compared to the first draft. I'm sure he read over it multiple times to see what sounded the best for his poem, by doing so, completing his final draft.
Alex Abramovich
The author of the poem took pride in his own work. He took the time to read over the drafts and make corrections to make it presentable to the public.
In the draft of the poem you can tell that the author put a lot of work into it, making sure all the words fit together and sounded well together. Even though he only changed a couple of words it made a huge difference in the coherency and outcome of the poem.
craigen
i thought there were not very many changes done. There were only a few words replaced. so i think the auther put in more time into each draft to make sure it sounded the best in which ever way he wanted it to
Each poem was almost the same. There were only a few changes made. You can tell that he put a lot of effort into it so make it just how he wanted it to be.
There had to have been a lot of thought into the drafts. you can tell that there was a lot of hard work done because in each one there is little changes. but its the little changes that makes the biggst difference.
N. Kilgore 7th
The fact that the final draft has much in common to the origional lends to the idea that mr.Roethke put alot of thought into the origional draft its self. also, seeing that the changes he made were very minor, you can assume that he was commited to making the poem sound just right.
The poems showed how the author took time, the first time to make sure everything that was written down was the way it was suppose to be and it sounded okay. This is why there was few mistakes when the author wrote the final poem. The author looked like they pu much effort into what they were writing.
Jessica Re
If you read each draft carefully there are only minor changes in each. To me this means that the author put a lot of time and thought into not only each draft but the meaning of each word he put into the poem. The gender of the main character, one word: boy or girl, was so important to him cause he had to change it. There was a reason for every change and that shows that the writer put a lot of time into each draft of the poem.
The poems were not changed very much each draft only had a few words that were different. The author must have gone over the poem many times perfecting each word to get it right.
Both of the draft was different by a little detail that he added in both of the text. He had a lot of thought on why text but made sure that he had charged it a little on the other text.
I find it funny how much editing went into the first writing of the paper. This makes sense with poetry however, because certain words always need to be changed around to make the flow and rhyme of the poem better. It was interesting to me to see that the title was even changed within the first draft. It shows that you really must put time, thought, and effort into creating a piece of writing.
The final draft was very similar to the revised draft. There were only a few words changed. One of them being the word, girl. Though there were on a couple of small changes made, I think the transition from girl to boy changed the poem and the reader's perspective entirely.
The poems had a difference but not majorly. Only a few changes were made in each poem.
There are very minor changes in the two poems. the biggest is probably in the second line when the author changes the word girl to boy. The author's time spent is noticeable because of how well thought out the poem is.
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